I may never, ever recover from a segment today on the Today Show. In case you haven't read my short "bio", I am completely OCD. Seriously--no joke, I've even had people with M.D. after their name tell me that I am (not just WebMD folks, ok?). I absolutely do NOT want to make light of this at all. However, being OCD, I have learned that I have to laugh at myself and my habits sometimes or else I would just think I was batshit crazy ALL of the time (not just 80% of the time).
I'm not OCD in the way that I check things a certain number or times, or count steps (ahem, Dylan), etc. I am OCD about cleaning. My obsessiveness about having a clean house can take away hours from my day (or days at a time, that's when it's *really* bad). I can't stand dirty floors. I don't like to wear socks in the house until nighttime (duh, because that's when they start to get cold), so if I step on the smallest crumb on the floor barefoot, I want to crawl out of my skin. Then, I bend myself into ridiculous yoga positions to find that ONESINGLEPIECE of crap on my floor. I can guarantee you that it's only one piece because I most likely Swiffer vacuumed just an hour before (can someone explain why these things go out? They run on f*cking batteries after all. I digress).
Enter having kids, two indoor cats and one husband. That part of my life and my OCD don't always go hand in hand. For one thing, microscopic pieces of cat litter on bare floor sends a ripple down my spine. Toothpaste dried in the sink makes my stomach turn (don't even get me started on the "spit spots" on my mirror). Toilets are NOT my friend. I hate the way they look, I hate the way they can smell, I basically hate why they even exist (we can send people into space but we are still forced to crap? They haven't found a way out of this yet?).
So I did what anyone else in my situation would do--I do bootcamps with those I live with. When my first son was being potty-trained, I put a container of Clorox wipes next to the toilet (no, I did not allow him to use a "baby potty" because expecting an OCD mom to empty out a shit receptacle multiple times a day is just plain abuse) and taught him out to wipe down the toilet so there were no pee stains on the rim or on the seat. Success! His wife is going to LOVE me.
My husband was a little bit more difficult and training is not quite complete (most former bachelors will always be a work in progress). To spare him, I won't go into details, however I'll leave you with this--he has mastered the Clorox trick but we're still working on not leaving certain devices within spitting distance of the toilet.
The cats? Well, that one has worked out VERY nicely and I didn't have to do much about it. Turns out they love, no prefer, to do their business outside. So the litterbox is just pretty much taking up space in my laundry room. Now, I am still afraid to walk barefoot outside for fear of kitty roca ending up on my feet, but hey, I consider this one a win--no scooping (for the scooping I would use disposable gloves and disposable face masks), no odor, no nothing. Success!
Now my littlest little, Bee...well, I'm thinking he might have a more difficult time graduating from "Mommy's OCD Bootcamp". It's early yet, but he hates having his hands and face washed, doesn't really care if his room smells like a shit bomb of spinach, squash and apples, and isn't one of those babies that delight in baths. We'll see. The teaching has already begun, I believe in consistency being key here.
Enter the Today Show this morning. Segment on bacteria in your kitchen. For me, this is like trying to divert Bee's attention from lightbulbs (I don't know, he's fascinated by lighting)--NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Even though my brain tells me to turn the channel, I am rooted to the spot, hand on remote. I was elated to see that I knew AND followed all of the "kitchen cleanliness" rules (no salmonella surprise here people!). But the last one. Oh, the last one. If you have chipped dishes, cups, etc. bacteria is HIDING in those chips. I believe they even said that the smallest chip can have the MOST bacteria. Now I ask you, how many people with kids DON'T have dishes with chips?
Full breakdown. I can tell you right now that I have a coffee cup downstairs with a chip on the rim. The part that touches my MOUTH. Eeeewwww...I want to rinse my mouth with bleach. My mind is BLOWN. I'm not sure if I can recover.
Here is something to blow YOUR mind, though (and please no snotty comments about wasting money and stuff, this is for peace of mind)--one of my best girlfriends is my housekeeper. An OCD mom with a housekeeper. To me, it makes perfect sense. Why would I not want my house even cleaner? She might get things I didn't even see! It's like wearing a sweater under a jacket. Double-covered in case of any emergency.
Even better? She's on her way here today...
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