Blogging Block...

My friend and I were discussing "blogger's block" and how irritating it is.  We have things to say, just can't seem to put them neatly into posts that make sense (or at least that's my issue).  Lately, my thoughts have seemed more like a child in kindergarten class--Start.  Stop.  Blurt out.  Take it back.  Re-think it.  Forget original thought.  Start over.  What was the question?  Get frustrated...and on, and on...

Then a thought popped up, if I don't write about at least something will I lose the motivation to keep this up?  Hmm...it is quite possible.  I'm a habitual person and I like routines (and quite honestly, I like writing this blog).

So I've decided to write on someone I've known for almost a decade (holy sh*t!).  Connor.  I'm not playing favorites, it's just that I have more material for this guy.  I've always meant to keep a "Connor List"--words, sayings, stories, etc. that pop out of his mouth so that I can show them to him (OK, so I can print it out on a banner along with potty pictures and show his prom date).  This most likely will be a long post, and it's more so for myself to have a list finally started, so feel free to stop reading now (however, you will miss some hilarious material).

1) Connor first attempts at crawling were hilarious for the adults and so frustrating for him--why?  He only crawled backwards.  He would literally crawl himself into a corner and cry because he couldn't get out.  Thankfully it was only temporary, because he now walks both backwards AND forwards.

2) Connor's 1st birthday--family and friends have flown in from all over the country to Arizona to celebrate.  Connor looks like an angelic cherub in a Bob the Builder outfit, overalls and a tool belt to match.  He's only really said "mama", "dada", "kitty", etc. up until now.  All the men are outside in the pool.  The women are inside preparing food (wow, that sounds sexist--I swear it wasn't that way).  Connor is crawling around and sticks his hand in the cat food dish.  He immediately sits up, holds up his hand and says, "Shit".  Everyone falls silent.  He puts his hand in the cat's water dish, "SHIT!", this time louder and with conviction.  My son's first clear word was "shit".  I take all the credit.

3) Potty-training.  We tried, his preschool tried.  I lost sleep worrying that a) he wouldn't be moved up to the pre-k class and b) he'd be going to college in Pull-Ups.  Months went by, every bribe was used.  Then one day at preschool, he went potty, clapped his hands, and said, "Oh!  My mommy is going to be so proud of me!" and never looked back.  Lesson learned?  Don't try to force a "milestone" onto Connor.  He WILL resist with impunity (same with riding a bike, after a few years of trying to get him on one, including a $100 deal that he declined, he hopped on one last summer and took right off).

4) While riding in his carseat at the age of 2 1/2, he told his future step-dad about a pattern.  Dylan, thinking he was a smart guy and could teach Connor a thing or two said, "What's a pattern?".  Connor responded immediately with, "It's something that repeats".  Connor 1, Dylan 0.

5) Thomas the Train invaded our house and lives for YEARS.  I still have the theme song to that show memorized.  Connor knew all of the trains and god forbid you called one of them by the wrong name--that would get you kicked off the train table.  One time at Target, he wanted me to buy him a train.  I said no and he stood rooted to the spot in the aisle, put his hands on his 3 year old hips and said (very loudly), "You've gotta be f*cking kidding me!".  Ouch.

6) From the time Connor was about 3, he started asking for a "baby stretchy".  He wanted a sibling.  When his preschool teachers asked why "stretchy", he said, "Because you need to stretch the baby...but only a little bit".

7) After asking for a sibling wasn't getting him anywhere, Connor (still about 3) decided to get a little more technical about it.  When Dylan, Connor and I were driving home from downtown Portland, he piped up from the backseat--"Hey Dylan, you know if you take Mommy on a date and then your sperm meets up with her egg a baby will grow in her womb".  Because he was 3, he pronounced it "wamb".

8) Dylan and I took a a week off once (basically sh*t or get off the pot Dylan, because I wanted to be married and have more kids).  Connor took the time apart harder then we did.  When I was getting ready to finally have dinner with Dylan after that week apart, Connor sat down and said, "Mommy, do you think you could let Dylan out of timeout now?  Because he's like my best friend".  Sweetest. Thing. Ever.

9) Connor was (is?) OBSESSED with Star Wars.  I never got, still don't get it (I have to watch the first three before the second three, but that's not how they're numbered or something???).  Anyway, he spent years CONVINCED that "galaxy" was pronounced "galaxcity".  We didn't tell him otherwise.  We tried once by showing him the word (since he could read) but he would not back down.

10) On topic of Star Wars, Connor received the Lego Death Star from Santa one year.  This thing was ridiculous (both in price and construction).  It came with a 3-ring binder of instructions.  My brother and his wife came to visit, and they decided to give it a go.  One afternoon, my brother dumped a container filled with the Legos.  Connor got wide-eyed, put his hands in the air, backed away and said, "Oh no...my mommy doesn't like messes" (no, I never beat him into keeping things clean--if you don't believe me, take a look at his backpack).

11) I volunteered countless hours in kindergarten.  There was a rug on the floor, separated into rows of colors.  The teacher would ask the children to sit down on a "color", then the teacher would dismiss the children by calling out a certain "color" (row).  For three days, Connor's row was never picked first.  On the 4th day, "it" happened (and of course I was volunteering).  Teacher asks Connor to sit down.  He remains silently standing.  Teacher repeats request.  Connor is still standing.  Teacher repeats request again with a little more irritation.  Connor says, "I can't sit down".  Silence in the classroom.  I even stop stapling the handouts I've been tasked with.  Teacher says, "Why not?".  Connor replies with, "For three days you have not chosen the color I pick to be dismissed first.  I would like to leave first today.  I will sit down as soon as you tell me what color you will call first today".

12) We have always maintained the idea that it's completely and absolutely important to use the bathroom WHEN YOU NEED TO GO.  In 2nd grade, his teacher and myself had a little run in.  She denied Connor bathroom privileges.  I understand that some children at that age have a tendency to abuse the bathroom privilege and use it as a chance to f*ck around.  Connor is not that child.  He does not like public bathrooms.  If he is asking to go, he HAS TO GO.  I met his teacher after school and after 20 (frustrating, hair-pulling and speaking through clenched teeth) minutes of addressing this issue, Connor popped his head in from the hallway and succinctly said what I'd been trying to get across the entire time, "When you have to GO, you have to GO.  It's your body's way of taking out the trash.  After all, don't you take your house trash out every week?  They don't take that away from you".  Well said, Connor.

13) For the life of me, I don't know what created the following situation, but a situation it was.  Connor is not an "aggressive" protester.  He'll do it quietly, but when he decides to protest, you know he's doing it.  This was in 3rd grade and I received a call from the principal.  Connor was refusing to come out from under his desk.  This had been going on for over an hour by this time.  They had to excuse the entire classroom to the playground because nobody could focus on anything but Connor.  The adults couldn't force (drag) him out.  So they called me.  I said to tell Connor that if I had to come get him, all bets were off.  Guess what?  Out he came.

14) Every spring, Connor loves to go to Home Depot (or Fred Meyer) and pick out pots, plants and flowers.  When we get them home, he'll dig right in and help me get them all planted and put out.  We've never named it a "thing", but it's a "thing".  Our "thing".

15) Connor has confidence that inspires me.  Just this year, in 4th grade, he entered his school talent show for the second time.  The first time, in 2nd grade, he danced the "Cupid Shuffle" to a Plain White T's song.  This year, he sang lead in his band.  They are called the 4th Dimension.  He sang his heart out, did mic tricks and danced like a boss.  All in front of a PACKED gymnasium.  So proud.

This post took me awhile to complete--not because I was lacking in ideas, but because there were (and continue to be) so many funny, ironic, intelligent and surprising qualities (and stories) that come out of Connor.  Just this morning, over waffles, he told me that it's the sperm and not the egg that determines gender.

Connor is going to change the world.  So maybe I won't be reading this list at just his prom night or high school graduation, but maybe also on the Today Show when he's going on a press tour after winning the Nobel Prize.  Or a Grammy.