Living in Oregon means that we have two seasons--7 months of rain and cold, cloudy weather (we call this fall/winter), and 5 months of moderately warm temperatures and sunshine approximately 80% of the time (spring/summer). During those 7 months of feeling like the gray sky with the rain and clouds are slowly closing in on you, you have to find ways to keep your mind occupied (and also keep yourself amused).
So I came up with a list of things I'd eventually love to do. Some are funny, some are completely irrational, some will obviously never happen, many would probably get me arrested, but they are all honest. Here goes:
1) Win the lottery and pay the State of Oregon to put some damn reflective paint on the highways. For the life of me, with weather like this, it's a pain in the ass to not be able to see which lane you're supposed to be in.
2) Buy a retired cop car. Sit in front of my son's school in the car with a blowdryer pointed at the cars going by. They all drive way too fast and it pisses me off.
3) Use the rest of my lottery earnings to buyout the Beaverton school district. Connor, his peers, my aunt (who is a teacher in the district) and everyone else who lives in the district deserve great teachers, good pay, and a fantastic educational experience.
4) Buy a Vespa. Drive it around Bethany with Bee in a front basket (both wearing helmets of course).
5) Spend an afternoon following around these 4 year old twins I know and only do what they do. No correcting them, just follow them around and participate in their activities.
6) Walk into St. Vincent's emergency room with some "affliction". When I am finally seen, ask if Dr. Doug Ross (aka George Clooney) is working. When I am told he's not there, walk out of ER still in hospital gown, get pissed off and throw a chair.
7) Like #6, book a flight on United. Upon check-in, say I want to confirm that Sully Sullenberger will be piloting the plane. Again, when I am denied, kick my suitcase over and say, "Oh, so maybe it'll be Denzel Washington then?!?!? He was GREAT in that movie Flight!"
8) Find a magic spell to create an invisible emotional and physical shield around Connor and Bee that will protect them from anything painful for the rest of their lives--only they will never know it's there.
9) When I get pulled over for speeding next time (note, I say "when" because this happens frequently), hand the officer my required information and then crawl into the backseat, out of the trunk and run like crazy screaming, "They've found me! They've found me!"
10) Start teleporting myself and anyone else who wants to take trips with me.
11) Capture that damn laundry fairy and give her a stern talking to.
12) If the laundry fairy doesn't start doing her damn job, fire her and mandate that our family become nudists. At home, school, work, etc.
13) Help Dylan start his own consulting firm.
14) Take all of my "boys" to wherever they want in the world. Fill their passports with stamps and their mind with amazing memories.
15) Make all my friends, family and loved ones impervious to stress, pain, loneliness and disappointment. May all of those that I love only lead lives of happiness. Because they are all wonderful and they all deserve at least that.
That's it for now. I'm sure I'll add on to this list because if the current outside weather is any indication, I'm going to have a few more chances to daydream...
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