Living in the Pacific Northwest comes with a certain challenge -surviving the 9 1/2 months of torrential sideways rain, soggy ground, dirty cars, filthy floors and stained pants. Given that three out of the five above are centered around cleanliness, you can imagine how bat$hit crazy I get during the winter months here. Not to mention the fact that when you have a six year old son that has a lot of energy, having 9 1/2 months of crappy weather poses another challenge - how to make sure your child has a way to get his energy out somewhere (note: having shopping cart races at the neighborhood Target, while definitely fun, is not a good idea - it took a lot of fake tears and pleading - from the mom - to be allowed back there again).
With the endless gray and bleak days stretching out ahead of me, I decided to talk to my doctor about going on an anti-depressant just to get me through the season. She prescribed me Wellbutrin. It worked wonderfully - I felt better, my tone was lowered to a shrill instead of a shriek, and I actually began to enjoy my days a bit more. The only downside is that it caused a bit of insomnia but hey, Ambien works well for that.
Things were going great until a few weeks ago when I ran into what I like to call "woman issues" (not your typical monthly problems, more severe and more painful. The kind of medical thing that your husband flies back from China early for). Anyway, in addition to a few other things, the doctor prescribed me Vicodin for pain relief. I could finally stand up, walk, shower and sleep without pain - brilliant!
Unfortunately, two days ago I ran into this website called drugs.com. In addition to being riddled with anxiety and OCD, I am also a hypochondriac. On a regular basis I am convinced I might be dying, therefore, if you searched my web browsing history you would see WebMD, various symptom-checker websites, and potential risk factors for any given diseases. Last February I had my doctor give me an EKG because I thought I had a heart attack (in my defense, it WAS heart health awareness month for women). Thank god I have a patient doctor - well, she's either patient or loves the money she gets for my visits. Anyway, I find this drugs.com and (after accepting some waiving of my rights) I plug in all the medications I currently am on and...holy $hit Batman, this is not good. There are glaring red warning signs all over the page. My heart rate skyrockets, I feel light-headed, and my left arm goes numb (am I having another heart attack?). I scan the list and guess what? The major interaction is NOT from Vicodin and Ambien (or Vicodin and Xanax, which I have on hand for my fear of flying or fear of the moms of the kids in my son's school), it's from my Wellbutrin and Vicodin. The risk is...lowered threshold for seizures. Seizures? Like my eyes bug out and roll back in my head and I choke to death on my tongue? So the maintenance drug I take for seasonal depression could cause my death?
I spent three hours last night after being on this site getting my affairs in order. I was convinced I would die in my sleep but finally went to bed around 3am. Then, I had an appointment today with my doctor and she confirmed that yes, Wellbutrin does lower the seizure threshold but there is still only a .001% chance in 1000 people. I wasn't buying it.
So I'm going off the Wellbutrin. Not only because I'm convinced I am just special enough to qualify for that .001% chance of a seizure (because I AM that amazing), but also because I know the warmer and sunnier days are approaching. I would rather be able to live without physical pain than have to travel with my own defibrillator and personal assistant trained to use it.
My only concern now is that one of the warnings on the Vicodin bottle is to "use care when operating heavy machinery"...does that mean I can't apply for the forklift driving position at Home Depot? Or maybe not even take a spin on my dad's riding lawn mower in a few weeks? Because I live for operating heavy machinery and if that's taken away from me, I just don't know what I will do.
*Update: after much thought I've decided that the forklift position will most definitely not work. However, I think taking a spin on the riding lawn mower (or go-kart) is still in the cards. I can't do much damage on 1/2 an acre anyway...
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